I'm Tired
(With Apologies to Pearl Bailey and
Madeleine Kahn)
As presented to the second annual
Liberty Round Table
Conclave near Estes Park, Colorado, July 2nd, 1998
By L. Neil Smith
lneil@ezlink.com
Exclusive to The Libertarian
Enterprise
You
may remember the way that, at the start of Robert Heinlein's
novel Methuselah's Children, a secret gathering of
the exceptionally long-lived "Howard Families" began with
the hero Lazarus Long assuming the chairmanship on the
grounds that he was the oldest individual present.
Well
... I've been an active libertarian for 36 years last month,
which, I suspect, makes me the senior libertarian at
this gathering, presumably full of mature wisdom -- not to
mention a great many other things I'm sure that several of
you are practically bursting to bring up.
Mature
wisdom. Heinlein also asked us -- in "The Notebooks of
Lazarus Long", as I recall -- if we'd ever noticed how often
"mature wisdom" resembles "just being too tired". Ayn Rand
said something very like that, too. And I certainly qualify
on those grounds, as well.
I'm
tired.
I'm
tired of living in a police state.
I'm
tired of living with a government that, in the name of
making the world "safer for democracy", took a young
religious conscientious objector during World War I -- a kid
who was willing to do everything the Army required of him
but wear a uniform and kill the people they'd picked out for
him to kill -- and hung him by his shackled wrists in the
deepest dungeon at Leavenworth, standing in a foot of icy
water in the dead of Kansas winter, let him die of
pneumonia, and then buried him -- in a uniform -- before his
mother could arrive to claim his body.
I'm
tired of living in a police state.
I'm
tired of living with a government which, at the end of a war
widely advertised as having been fought to obliterate
fascism forever, nevertheless agreed to round up two million
Russian refugees in France and elsewhere in Europe at the
end of that war, crowded them into boxcars exactly as
Hitler had done to the Jews, and sent them back to
Stalin, who had them all shot to death within a few hours of
their arrival.
I'm
tired of living in a police state.
I'm
tired of living with a government that smashed its way into
the Utah homes of Mormon polygamists in the 1950s, people
harming no one by practicing their First Amendment right to
freedom of religion, sorted out the women and children and
made them pose for humiliating photographs with numbered
cards around their necks, while imprisoning their menfolk
until they signed statements making bastards of their
children.
I'm
tired of living in a police state.
I'm
tired of living with a government that, sliming its way from
one sleazy justification to another every day for 51 days,
confined, terrorized, tortured, poison-gassed,
machinegunned, and incinerated 80 innocent individuals --
two dozen of them beautiful little children -- in broad
daylight, on national television, and not only got away with
it, but prosecuted the survivors, and -- when they were
acquitted -- sent them to prison anyway, for what will
likely be the rest of their lives.
I'm
tired of living in a police state.
I'm
tired of carrying around the knowledge that a crooked
federal judge imprisoned that handful of innocent,
acquitted victims of state terrorism to keep the
government from being on trial in "his" courtroom.
I'm
tired of living in a police state.
I'm
tired of knowing that another crooked federal judge, in
Idaho this time, deliberately set a killer loose to kill
again for his vile masters, and that what he's expected to
kill for them -- fully as much as any innocent women or
babies he happens to find in his high-powered rifle's
crosshairs -- are the very things every American would most
like to believe about himself, his country, and his
children's future.
I'm
tired of living in a police state.
I'm
tired of waking up in the middle of the night, or not being
able to get to sleep at all, worried about a gang of masked
thugs in black body armor smashing into my house,
brutalizing my family, crushing my pets under their
jackbooted feet, laughing, and stealing anything they want
-- with no legal obligation to give it back ever, even when
it turns out that we're all innocent -- because they happen
to disapprove of something I wrote ... or simply got the
wrong address.
I'm
tired of living in a police state.
I'm
tired of having it back there all the time in the corner of
my mind, whether I want it there or not, that I should
really hide all of the possessions I treasure most --
possessions I like most to display in my home for everyone
to see and enjoy -- and even worse, to find some hole to
bury my family and myself in, in order to survive another
year or two in what was once the freest country in history
and in the world.
I'm
tired of living in a police state.
I'm
tired of being considered some kind of criminal or dangerous
throwback for no other reason than that I value, exercise,
and defend my rights under the first ten Amendments to the
United States Constitution.
I'm
tired of living in a police state.
I'm
tired of being portrayed as a perverted monster for passing
on to my daughter what my father passed on to me, the love
of deeply blued steel and richly polished walnut, the smell
of Hoppe's #9, the proper way to align the sights, breathe
correctly, squeeze-don't-jerk that trigger, and hold solid
as the sear breaks, the weapon bellows, and the delicious
aroma of smokeless powder wafts back to you on the
breeze.
I'm
tired of living in a police state.
I'm
tired of being treated as some kind of lunatic or villain,
even by some members of my own family, even by some members
of my own party and political movement, because I want --
all I want or ever wanted -- is to give people back control
over their own lives and to live out my life in the land of
liberty that I was promised as a child.
I'm
tired of living in a police state.
I'm
tired of living with a government that's supposed to be,
above all, subject to ten laws that were supposed to make
all of these travesties and atrocities unthinkable and
impossible, ten laws that were supposed to shield me and my
family from the kind of oppression my ancestors once fled
from in Europe, ten laws that were supposed to let me know
where I stand and what the rules are, ten laws that were
supposed to let me and every other American think, say, do,
and be whatever we wish without filling out a single form or
asking anyone's permission.
I'm
tired of living in a police state.
I'm
tired of having to fight for my rights every day in a
country where those rights were supposed to have been
guaranteed, when what I want to be doing -- what I
ought to be doing, after 36 mind-numbing years -- is
enjoying my one true profession of storytelling, and my
family.
I'm
tired of living in a police state.
I'm
tired of living in a culture where the police are a greater
danger to innocent civilians than they are to real criminals
-- many of whom give the police their orders -- and where
the military is a far greater threat to the people of
America than it is to any enemy overseas.
I'm
tired of living in a police state.
I'm
tired of living with a government that terrorizes, bullies,
beats up, tortures, and kills more and more individuals
every day, here and abroad, and does it in my name, and at
my involuntary expense.
I'm
tired of living in a police state.
I'm
tired of living in a culture where you're considered lucky
if you're allowed to register your name and Social Security
number, surrender your fingerprints, provide your photograph
and the serial number of your weapon, visit a psychiatrist,
endure endless hours of expensive, useless "instruction" at
the feet of some mercantilist parasite who lobbied for the
legislation in the first place, and, finally, pay a whopping
fee in order to exercise a right you were born with.
I'm
tired of living in a police state.
I'm
even more tired of the dullwitted individuals and corrupt
organizations who claim self-righteously to support and
defend the Second Amendment, and at the same time give their
wholehearted enthusiastic support to such a blatant
abrogation of my inalienable rights.
I'm
tired of living in a police state.
I'm
tired of paying rent to the county on a home I bought and
paid for; I'm tired of paying rent on my own life to
the IRS and Social Security Administration; I'm tired of
watching the government take a slice of everything I earn or
possess, even though all they ever do is get in the way --
and make it more and more impossible to live every day.
I'm
tired of living in a police state.
I'm
tired of being lied to by government, by the media, and by
every corporation I have anything to do with. I'm tired of
always being on the losing side because I refuse to lie,
cheat, or steal, myself.
I'm
tired of living in a police state.
I'm
tired of no one being considered a "real life hero" unless
they're forcing some poor, helpless, broken creature eke out
another miserable moment of existence -- while those who
help to make life possible for productive individuals
are reviled as exploiters and profiteers.
I'm
tired of living in a police state.
I'm
tired of being considered property.
Make
no mistake: when the government can tell you what drugs you
can take, what drugs you can't take, and what drugs you
must take; when the government can define the
circumstances under which you may or may not obtain, own, or
carry weapons; when the government can force you to
surrender your children -- the sweet hope of your heart --
to indoctrination centers where they'll be transformed into
your bitter political enemies; when the government can tell
you that you have to sign up for military slavery; when the
government can tell you that you must have that baby
-- those are assertions of a property right.
I'm
tired of living in a police state.
And
I'm tired of a world where being the property of the fascist
dictatorship that America has become is the best that anyone
can hope for.
I'm
tired of living in a police state.
I'm
tired of being tired.
*********
Are
you tired of living in a police state?
I am,
but after 36 years of political activism, I know
exactly what to do about it. Now all I have to do is
convince you to help me.
And
this time, we're going to do it right.
The
key to the future we all look forward to can be found in
four words:
"Bill
of Rights enforcement".
Bill
of Rights enforcement. Many years ago, I was a member
of two Libertarian Party national platform committees --
1977 and 1979 -- two Libertarian Party national platform
committees that produced the most radical platforms that the
party had ever seen and, tragically, would ever see -- the
platforms that the Nerf libertarians presently running
what's left of the party are most embarrassed by and have
been chipping away at hysterically, in the fear that other
people might mistakenly believe they really stand for
something besides collecting campaign contributions and
doling them out to themselves as consultant fees.
Bill
of Rights enforcement.
I'm as
radical as libertarians come. I've proven it again and again
over 36 years of activism. But let me tell you now that if
the first ten Amendments, commonly known as the Bill of
Rights, were fully and stringently enforced like the highest
law of the land they happen to be, any difference between
the "New America" that that would give rise to, and the "New
America" that would have been created by those radical
Libertarian Party platforms, would only be a matter of fine
tuning.
Bill
of Rights enforcement.
And
the advantage is that, unlike those platforms, the original
radical libertarian document on which this nation was
founded, the Bill of Rights, has all the respectablility,
all the historical cache, all the time-honored tradition any
suit-and-tie could possibly wish for. Now throw in the fact
I mentioned a paragraph or two ago, that it's already
the highest law of the land, something to be enforced,
something for which you -- meaning them -- can be
thrown in jail for breaking.
Bill
of Rights enforcement.
So
what do we do about it? Well for starters, from this moment
forward, never let a day pass without writing those words,
"Bill of Rights enforcement", at least once,
preferably over the internet, or in paper correspondence
with some sitting politician or political candidate.
Bill
of Rights enforcement.
From
this moment forward, never let a day pass without saying
those words, "Bill of Rights enforcement", at least
once, preferably on the telephone to a aluminum siding
salesman or a radio talk show host.
Bill
of Rights enforcement.
From
this moment forward, never let a day pass without saying
those words, "Bill of Rights enforcement", at least
once, preferably to some door-to-door evangelist or, even
better, to a political canvasser.
Bill
of Rights enforcement.
Our
future, our very survival, depends on making those four
words, "Bill of Rights enforcement", the
widest-spread catchphrase in history.
Bill
of Rights enforcement.
No
sitting politician or candidate should be able to make an
appearance without being asked where he stands on Bill of
Rights enforcement.
Bill
of Rights enforcement.
No
worldwide website anywhere should be without the Bill of
Rights enforcement logo (which I'll have up on my "Webley
Page" about the time you get home) on its opening screen,
beside the free speech blue ribbon.
Bill
of Rights enforcement.
No
sidewalk should be without a t-shirt or two echoing the same
idea.
Bill
of Rights enforcement.
No car
bumper or pickup truck window should be without that same
logo.
Bill
of Rights enforcement.
No
storefront should be without that symbol, displayed proudly
in the window along with the words, "We are a Bill of Rights
enforcement establishment".
Bill
of Rights enforcement.
There's
no need for a national libertarian political party (a good
thing, because we no longer have one) or for any other kind
of group activity. When enough of us, acting on our own,
have saturated this culture with the idea, politicians of
every stripe will be stumbling all over themselves to get
aboard the Bill of Rights enforcement bandwagon.
Bill
of Rights enforcement.
Which
is a good thing because by then (and it could be no more
than a year or two from now) the most important, perhaps the
only criterion by which any politician -- including
judges and prosecutors, and why not throw in television,
radio, and newspaper commentators, as well? -- will be
evaluated will be his position on Bill of Rights
enforcement.
Bill
of Rights enforcement.
And
we'll have taken an important, unprecedented -- and, with
any luck at all, irreversible -- first step to reclaiming
the nation we always wished America could be, for ourselves,
and for our children's future.
And
then, perhaps, I won't be quite so tired.
Thank
you.
